I’ve begun

I often feel like I don’t know where I’m going. What is the point of any of the things that I do, where is it leading?

…if anywhere.

 

In my mind I am sinking slowly
drinking holy
water

that was supposed to save me.
Instead

I feel 

betrayed
by promises
I made myself
I made myself
disappear

what an act!

I became the fool
the clown
the entertainer
who takes off the mask
when no one sees
and on the inside
there’s nothing.

This is all very messy and scrambled. There is drumming in my mind, bright lights beaming into my eyes and my skin is alive with a thousand twigs scraping at it. I feel like an experiment. Trapped and confused.

And somehow

there is a distant

 

 

 

peace

a stillness
that seems
attainable.

It breathes,
it cools
my burning skin

and
it contains
all.

 

It feels like something within me is slowly emerging but I can’t intellect my way into pinpointing what it is exactly. It’s a feeling. It’s the sort of feeling where you know that something is about to happen, you feel slightly nauseous in anticipation. Fight or flight but without being scared. 

 

 

I wish I could say I’ve came up with a brilliant ending that I could leave you with. Dazzled. Utterly blown away by my brilliance. 

No.

 

 

But I’ll leave you with this:

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

(silence)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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